Scattered Remains of Love
by Misaki Sakura
Summary: Simply about Yuki’s thought after Shuichi left him and how Yuki tried to win his heart back. Simple, I know but … please enjoy!


Disclaimer : They're not mine even though I really want them to ... Warning : Yuki's OOC-ness A/N : This is my very first Gravitation fanfiction. Hope you'll like it. Summary : Simply about Yuki's thought after Shuichi left him and how Yuki tried to win his heart back. Simple, I know but ... please enjoy!  
  
Scattered Remains of Love  
By Misaki Sakura  
  
I sit silently near the window, locked up in my room, smoking my cigarette and telling myself everything is fine, everything is okay. No, it's not. It's not. There's a certain someone who's missing. There's no stupid brat in this place anymore.  
  
First, I felt some kind of feeling running in me when he said that he had decided to leave. I preferred to call it 'a wave of relief' but then I realize ... it was not. It feels painful, even now, a month after his departure, I can't stop remembering him. Weird, huh? When he's around, it annoys me so much, but when he's not, it annoys me even more.  
  
When does it become like this? When does this feeling ... start become mutual? I never think I could ever fall in love again. I'm should've admitted that he has successfully penetrated my cold heart but my ego had prevented me from doing so.  
  
I put out my cigarette and slam my body down onto my bed. Closing my eyes, I let the memories making their way into my restless mind.  
  
"I'll leave now, Yuki. I hope ... I hope you can find someone who can ... love you more than I do and ... whom you can love..."  
  
I can never find someone who can love me more than you do ... more than I love you.  
  
"You don't need me here, Yuki. You never need me ..."  
  
I always need you, Shuichi.  
  
"Maybe we'll never meet again ... that would be the best ..."  
Don't leave me.  
  
"I'll go now. Sayonara, Yuki."  
  
You'll go ... to your Sakuma Ryuichi ... go ... No!  
  
"No!!!"  
  
I wake up, sweating like crazy. A nightmare. It's been haunting me since Shu left. Just another one to add to my series of nightmare. Great. I pick myself up and go to the kitchen to make coffee. As I open the kitchen's door I hear banging at my apartment door. Shuichi's name is the first thing that appears in my head but it couldn't be him. He's gone.  
  
I don't bother opening it up, guessing that whoever it is, will get tired and go but no such luck. Each time the banging sounds more persistent and yelling is heard. Tatsuha.  
  
Sighing, I open it. Tatsuha immediately flings himself to me. "Aniki, where's Shuichi?!!"  
  
"Gone."  
  
"Gone?"  
  
"Gone."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Don't know, don't care."  
  
He doesn't seem to believe me. Well, no one will after seeing my condition. I'm pathetic, I know.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Didn't I tell you I'm looking for Shuichi?!"  
"Why are you looking for that brat?"  
  
"Cause I want him to explain to me why he kissed my Ryuichi-sama at the studio today!!!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
Shuichi ... he kissed ... Sakuma ... I'm going to kill him!! But ... it's not my business anymore. Why should I bother? He's not mine anymore to have. I had my chance and I let it slipped. Now I must face any consequences it gives.  
  
"Aniki ... you're not arguing with Shuichi, are you?"  
  
"No, we break up."  
  
I turn my back at him. Hiding my sadness and pain, I walk to the kitchen and make myself a nice cup of coffee. I hear Tatsuha's voice behind me.  
  
"Actually I was wondering why he didn't leave you earlier."  
  
Enough. I have enough trouble steadying myself after his departure and I don't have anymore patient to deal with this retarded brother of mine. Adding my sadness anymore and I'll kick him out of this apartment.  
  
"But why does he go to my Sakuma-sama?! Doesn't he have his friend, Nakano?! Why my Sa ..."  
  
"That's enough!" I slam my mug on the counter and face him. "If you can't shut up, I'll kick you out now! Stop talking about Shuichi, Shuichi! I've heard enough of him!!"  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll go now. I think Shuichi is at Sakuma's house. I don't want to imagine what they are doing right now." He says as he walks out of my apartment.  
  
I throw the mug at the door and let it fall soundly on the floor, spilling its content, scattered into pieces.  
  
"Is it really going to work, Tatsuha?"  
  
"Yep! You should've looked at his face when I told him I saw you kissed Ryu-chan! That expression was priceless!" he laughs again until it's becoming hard to breathe.  
  
Shuichi is sitting on the carpet in Ryuichi's apartment. Next to him is Ryuichi. He has to admit that this makes him really guilty. This is all Tatsuha's scheme to force Yuki professing his love for Shuichi. He does this out of pity though, seeing Shuichi's always been kicked around and the one who's always begging for Yuki's attention. Plus to the fact that Ryuichi has asked him to help.  
  
"But what if ... what if it fails and Yuki is ... happy with this condition? I mean ... what if this is what he has been waiting ... for me to leave his life."  
  
"Nah. It won't. I know him. It will take a while but I'm sure he'll apologize to you and ask you to come home."  
  
"But I'm the one who leave him. Maybe ..."  
  
"Shuichi, trust Tatsuha, will you? He said it's going to work na no da."  
  
Still in doubt, Shuichi manages to force himself nodding at that.  
  
I can't write anything, anything! It seems like something has blocked my mind. I've sat in front of this damn laptop for three fucking hours and still no words come out. Noticing that I can't force myself to write, I shut down the laptop and decide to take a walk.  
  
I don't know where I am walking to. I guess I'll go to anywhere my feet take me. That Shuichi ... when he's around, he has done enough things to trouble me but I really don't know that he can affect my life this much when he's gone. Even though I hate to admit it, ... I miss him. I miss his laugh. I miss him calling me 'Yuki' in his shrilling voice. I miss him pestering me around. I miss him a lot and I can do nothing about it.  
  
That's not my luck, I guess. I know I should've stopped involving myself with anyone. Cause I know this thing will happen someday and no one can stop this. Separation ... but I never thought that it can make me feel this desperate. I know I should've pushed him away from my life before this happen but I didn't. I don't know why but I just couldn't. 'He will get bored and leave by himself', I said. Yes, he did leave, but that shattered my heart, leaving me bleeding in pain.  
  
Huh, now I sound too dramatic. That brat ... how much has he changed me? I never feel this way before, not even after the incident in New York with Takizawa-sensei. Shuichi ...  
  
I look around to see where I am right now. A tall building in front of me catches my attention greatly. It's the NG Records building. What am I doing here?! I'll go to anywhere my feet take me and they take me here. Do I want to see him that much? I've had enough walk for today.  
  
As I reach home and open the door, I'm mentally ready for Shuichi pouncing on me and squealing 'Yuki, Yuki, Yuuuuuuuki' as usual but it doesn't come. It takes me a while to realize that he's not here anymore. A month, it's been a month already and I still can't forget that he ever stayed here. Every thing in this damn apartment reminds me of him.  
  
When I sit on the couch, I'll remember him sleeping there. When I go to the kitchen, I'll remember his packs of Pocky and juices in my cabinet and refrigerator. Wherever I go inside this apartment, I'll remember him and what he's doing and that gives me more pain.  
  
I have to stop remembering him. But how? I don't know. Maybe time will heal this pain I feel but how long? How long it's gonna take? If I have to suffer this same pain after Takizawa-sensei's death, I don't think I can live again. This feels worse. It's like my life has been yanked out of me and it makes me hard to breathe every time I try to tell myself that he's not here.  
  
It's my fault that he's gone. He offered me so much love. Yet I refused it. I refused him. And now I have to live on my days bearing this feeling of loss I have to feel once again. Shuichi ... My Shuichi ... I miss you.  
  
Another day past and I wake up, hoping to see the sun stops shining, the birds stop chirping, and my heart stops beating. But no, they are still as they're used to be ... as if nothing happened.  
  
I see the red button on answering machine is beeping. Lazily, I push it and make a cup of coffee. I can hear my editor's voice coming out, saying that the deadline is in two weeks. Then Touma's voice, asking me about Shuichi. Mika's ...  
  
I stop it and go to my working room. I don't know what to write. I have no idea what I have to write. The deadline is in two weeks and I still have three more chapters to do. I open my note book to check the notes I've made when my gaze hits something. It's the bookmark he gave for me on my birthday. Handmade bookmark which he said that he made it very, very carefully.  
  
Then an idea strikes me. Very, very sudden that it almost surprised me. I want to laugh. Why didn't I think about this sooner? With this, I hope I can make it up to him. But ... will he accept this?  
  
"Yuki, I love you."  
  
"Yuki is mine!"  
  
"I won't let you go, Yuki. And do you still have the courage to marry another woman?"  
His voice is echoing inside my head but now it doesn't make me feel sad. It assures me to do this and this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to make him mine and mine alone. Hell with Sakuma Ryuichi! Shuichi is mine!  
  
"Tatsuha, I miss Yuki."  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Tatsuha, I wanna go home."  
  
"Shuichi, do you forget? It's not your home anymore. If you want to go back there, you must wait for him to pick you up." Tatsuha answers while trying to control himself. Shuichi has been whining about going home since ... forever and only Heaven knows when he'll stop. Tatsuha doubts if he'll ever stop.  
  
"Yes, I know. But I miss Yuki very much. I want to go home. I'll go to him and apologize and tell him everything. I'll take the blame as long as I can see him again. Please, Tatsuha, let me go home."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just no."  
  
"But whyyyyyyyyy? I wanna see Yuki."  
  
"You have to be patient, Shuichi, na no da." Ryuichi sits beside him, Kumagoro in his hand.  
  
"But I miss him, Sakuma-san. I miss Yuki very much." Tears start to form in his eyes. Seeing that, Ryuichi takes Kumagoro's hand and uses it to wipe Shuichi's tears.  
  
"He'll come for you, Shuichi. He'll come for you."  
Shuichi has to give up. Even Ryuichi tells him to wait. It looks like Ryuichi trusts Tatsuha very much. He has to wait, ne? But for how long? Shuichi can't stand not seeing his Yuki for days, not to mention months. It's been a month already but it feels so long. Please pick me up, Yuki, prays Shuichi every day, hoping that somehow Yuki will hear him and come for him. He hopes.  
  
I am now standing in front of Nakano Hiroshi, Shu's best friend, handing him my latest novel, the one which I miraculously finished in this two weeks by locking myself in my room. He eyes me confusedly but takes it nonetheless.  
  
"I want you to give this to Shuichi."  
  
"Why don't you give this by yourself?"  
  
"Cause I have something to prepare."  
  
With that, I wave him good bye.  
  
That night Hiro gives Shuichi the book Yuki gave.  
  
"He said that?"  
  
"Yep! He told me to give this to you."  
  
Shuichi takes the book from Hiro's hand, studying it a bit before opening it. It's entitled 'Koibito'. Loved one. Why does Yuki give him this? While opening it randomly, he finds the bookmark he gave Yuki before at the middle part of the book and sees a new writing on it. Yuki's handwriting.  
  
I love you not because the way who you are but because of who I am when I'm with you.  
  
Shuichi rubs his eyes in disbelief. Yuki? Yuki wrote this? But that's not the only thing that stuns him. The lines in the text make him burst in tears in no time.  
  
I know that you're gone  
I have to find a way to forget you  
After you give me, shower me with your love  
You went and disappeared  
  
It's hard to say  
I miss you  
But that's the truth  
I really, really miss you  
  
But now you're gone  
You're only a shadow  
Shadow of my mind, cause ...  
I miss you  
But, if only you could hear  
My heart  
  
If only you could hear me  
I would tell you my feelings  
Cause I really, really don't want  
You to go  
Come back to me, cause ...  
I love you  
  
Shuichi closes the book and run as fast as he can to the door. "I'm going home! See you soon, Hiro, Sakuma-san, Tatsuha!!" With that he slams the door and runs to Yuki's apartment.  
  
"So finally my brother starts becoming romantic, eh?" Tatsuha says after Hiro went outside to offer Shuichi a ride home.  
  
"Isn't it good na no da? Shuichi will be happy na no da!!"  
"Yeah. He deserves it as well as my brother."  
  
"You're so kind na no da!" Ryuichi gives him a peck on the cheek and bounce into the kitchen with Kumagoro still tugged in his hands.  
  
Tatsuha shakes his head at his antics and smiles. He knows Yuki loves Shuichi. He knows ... cause that's what he feels for this green-haired singer of his. That's why he knows that Yuki will do anything to get Shuichi back, even though it'll take a while for him to have the courage to do it.  
  
And now it's his turn to be with his Ryuichi ... and no one can separate them, no one. Cause Ryuichi is his love, his life, his everything. Just like Shuichi to Yuki.  
  
Everything is perfect. Now all I have to do is wait for him to come home. Remembering his nature, he will be flying here by now. I switch of all the lights and go into the bedroom to change my clothes into something more decent for this situation. This is going to be a surprise for Shuichi. Maybe just once in our lifetime I do this.  
  
"Yuuuuuuuuuki!!!!!" Shuichi launches himself inside the dark apartment. Too dark. All the blinds are closed and not a single light is on. That means ... Yuki is not home.  
  
"Yuuuuki, where are youuuuuu?" Shuichi's tears welled in his eyes. He misses his Yuki sooooooo much and now when he is finally able to come home, Yuki is not there. The tears start flowing down his smooth cheeks and he sobs.  
  
"Yuuuuuki ..."  
  
"Why are you crying, Shuichi?"  
  
His tear-filled eyes meet mine as he looks up to see me. They get bigger by the time they place themselves upon me. I'm wearing my usual shirt only now I wear a vest and black trousers. Not much different from I usually wear, to say that these are the only things I can call 'decent' but the most surprising thing for him is the fact that I am smiling at him.  
  
Me, the cold bastard Yuki Eiri is actually smiling at my stupid yet adorable koi. All thoughts be damned.  
  
"Yu ... Yuki ...?"  
  
He launches himself at me, sobbing uncontrollably in my embrace. "I'm sorry, Yuki. I'm so, so sorry!!"  
  
"It's okay, Shu-chan. I was wrong. I'm the one to blame, not you. I'm sorry. I love you."  
  
He immediately stops crying. Confused, he places his hand on my forehead and asks, "Are you all right, Yuki?"  
  
I believe I feel veins are popping on my head. "Listen, Shuichi. I'm trying to be romantic and nice for today. Don't screw this up by saying stupid things like that!"  
  
He pouts. "Yuki, don't be so mean. So this is once in my lifetime, isn't it?"  
  
"No, it's once in our lifetime. Maybe this is the first and the last time I do this kind of thing."  
  
"So ... I have to savour this moment as best as I can."  
  
He pulls my head down as he presses his lips against mine. I pull him closer to deepen the kiss. He opens his mouth innocently, allowing me to explore the cavern that is his mouth. After the need of oxygen becoming unbearable, he releases me with a smack. Panting, he smiles at me sweetly.  
  
"I love you, Yuki."  
"I know. I love you too, Shu-chan, and it takes me nearly losing you to have the courage to say that to you." I stroke his hair gently.  
  
"Now, let's eat." I push him to the opened kitchen door.  
  
"Wow!! Yuki, you cooked these for me?! How do you know I will come home?"  
  
"Silly, it's not hard to guess that you're going to fly here after you receive the book from Nakano." I lean against the door frame watching him admiring the dinner.  
  
"Yuuuuuuki, but that's so romantic! I love it very much!"  
  
"It's easier to write those words than to say them. I guess that's why I chose to become a novelist. Cause it's easier to express you feelings."  
  
He nods in agreement. "Oh, Yuki, remind me for thanking Tatsuha next time we meet him."  
  
"What for?"  
  
"Nothing. I just need to."  
  
He closes the conversation by dragging me to eat with him. I guess it's not bad to have him around. He can fill the void in my heart, penetrate my icy heart and melt it. He tells me I'm worthy and it's time for me to tell him how much he means to me. But it's better kept later cause now I have plans for us after the dinner. It's going to be a long night for us.  
  
OWARI  
  
A/N : Crappy ending, I know. Still, I hope you enjoy it. R&R Please! 


End file.
